Friday, October 15, 2010

It is Friday night.

I am going to have another lame ass weekend. I guess my self isolation is not such a good, thing, but I don't know who I would go hang out with. I could always call a guy and have a ride and weed, or anything else I wanted, but I know I would have to have sex with them. I do like sex, but I don't want to be the girl that fucks every guy who she hangs out with. I normally do, and I don't want to any more. I am ready for change, and I wish I could. It is all just waiting on me to get a job. If I can get a job everything would be great.

One of the worst things ever for my diet is happening as a sit here writing this. My grandma is frying fish and made potato salad, and some green beans. I want to eat it, but fried food is not good for my diet. I will eat it though and then it is coming up. My body doesn't need the calories. It is fat enough and there is no more room for expansion. I am repossessing the excess fat that I don't want. I am tired of being the "PHAT" girl. (Pretty Hot And Thick) I want to be skinny. I want to be an attraction for the guys I am really attracted too.

I wonder if I will lose more weight on this diet than just eating right and portioned sized meals. I mean I am eating right but I am also not keeping it down. It comes back up as soon as I am done eating, plus I have been taking laxatives, plus I am pushing my body to it's limits physically. Hopefully this will all work out for me. I am only "eating" one meal a day and like 2 snacks. But like I said they all come back up.

After we get done eating I need to ask grandma if I can use the car and go to my parents house. Then I can get some more Triple C's. That would be nice. I took the whole bud my uncle left at the house, so I don't really want to go over there tonight. So if I can do that then I can talk to my mom and dad for a while, get the piece of workout equipment I need, then head home. Then I should be feeling my trip pretty well, so I could check out some magazines, do a facial, and just relax for a night. That sounds good. So as long as I can use the car I am set! :) 

I have been thinking about maybe taking up meditation, and a yoga class. (If I had money...). I just don't really know how to meditate. So I will have to google it. I also want to look at the animal shelters website. I want to look threw the puppies. I want a dog. I can get one, but if I do have to give up my cat :( I have had her since she was 5 weeks old, but she is a cracked out bitch. I love her and would only give her to a good home, but still. 

Well the fried plate of fat is ready for me to eat. So I will go "eat" this, then see it again. And find out about using the car. I will most likely get back to this later, but I don't know. I am making no promises. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't then oh well.

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