Sunday, October 17, 2010

So I just got home from putting in job applications...

About an hour and a half ago. I applied at the La Quinta Inn on North Monroe St., and the Golf Club Restaurant in Southwood. I got one from Bed Bath and Beyond, and I am going to take it in tomorrow. So I am going in order now, but I am about to just go out of order right now.

I was going to write about this first, but got off topic on the trip here. So, I was outside getting high. I pretty much fucked Mark up unless he gets more weed. I took a big pinch out of the can of a little bit if weed left, and scraped the grinder out. So he doesn't have a whole lot left. But I got two normal bowls, and one super over flowing bowl. I decided to get Pipsqueak high, and damn it is hard. I had to catch her first, then put her in this headlock type thing. Then I would take a hit, (all while she is in a head lock thing, (she is feisty!!)) Then have to get her and hold her, lift her ear open and blow the smoke in.

Well I took it upon myself to be a dumbass. On top of what it is normally like (above paragraph is what it is normally like) to get her high, I had to do it on the super over flowing bowl. I normally cough after every hit if it is a decent sized hit, so I was thinking, "Damn." Inside my head I was like "Go big or don't do it at all." I agreed to this hoping that I wouldn't cough this time. I wanted my cat to be stoned, to have a big hit from a awesome bowl, on the first hit. I knew I shouldn't try it, but what the hell, I was high. (I am sure I should explain this first, before I pipe is like tiny. It is like maybe a two hitter, and that is most likely pushing it. I like it though and get about four hits out of it. That way I don't cough and don't get caught. It takes me about two or three of them for me to get high. So with that information that is being held in your brain I can continue. (Right after I look and remember what I was writing about to begin with.))

I then caught my cat, put her in the headlock thing, and took a BIG hit and was praying not to cough. The cat is squirming and my eyes are watering really bad as I try not to cough. "I can do it!" I thought to myself. (WRONG!!) I was getting her ear up and as I did she hissed and moved and I coughed it all out through my nose, and was trying to be quiet so I didn't get busted. "DAMN! I fucked that one up." SO I tried this two more times with the same effect. I hate that I can't take big hits. So with like barely anything even left in the bowl, and no more at all I took the biggest hit I could, and gave it to her. So I guess It was just not meant for her to get high.

Then I had this thought, " What if I wrote a book?" I began to deepen this thought. (When I am high this is a common thing.) If I did it would have to be a simple book. Like a children's book. "Tyrannosaurus Rex!!" I screamed in my head for no reason at all. I didn't know where it come from then I got back to my thought of writing a children's book. Then it came to life in my head, Trevor the Tyrannosaurus Rex. He was different and was nice. He wasn't like the others. Then he helps another group of dinosaurs get an egg to "The Better Place". (I doubt I would call it that, but it is something for now.) Then as I began to get excited and start deepening this a little bit more I had another thought...

"Isn't this like a weird spin off of The Land Before Time?" I don't believe it is. I don't recall one with that type of storyline. Well movie anyways, and this would be a book. Like I said though when
I am high, my brain randomly functions. So then I got back to my thought of my book, and that all the other dinosaurs could be different too. I really don't care for the idea of a whole group of defective dinosaurs though.

Then I came in here and decided to write down all of this, but got sidetracked at the beginning with what I did today. I think I will go ahead and get back to that though. That is the serious part of this post.

I have decided that I am not interested in school anymore. I want to get a job, and get the hell out of here, and not look back. That is what all my focus is going toward. I told this to grandma on the way in town and we pretty much argued about it. I don't care about school. Later if I want to go back I will, but I don't want to now, and I am not going to. It is just a matter of time before I am kicked out of school anyways.

I just feel like I am a disappointment to everyone though. They don't understand that I just want a job, my own place down in Kissimmee, a decent car, my cat and a puppy. That is all I want. I am going to lose all this damned weight eventually. I just have to keep working out and eating right. Throwing up my food I believe will help too. I am quitting smoking after this pack. I am just tired of everyone thinking so little of me. I just want to get out and away. Then I can maybe find new friends, and maybe a boyfriend. I will be skinnier, and I will be able too. I will be happy then. When I get there things will get better for me. When I am happy and feel good about myself, I will be better off. I will be able to do anything. 

I feel as if this has became a place for me to vent. I can really show my true self here. The girl that noone knows. Eventually people will, but not now, and not for a long time. I don't hold anything back here, and I make sure of it. I always think of coming back and writing something. I just have this blog on my mind constantly. I don't know quite why though, but I enjoy it.

I made tuna salad, and I think I am about to go get some. So I will be back on here after I "eat" another meal of yummy things, that only make me the beached whale bigger. Hmph...

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