Sunday, October 17, 2010

It is too early to be awake.

Here I am though. Wide awake. I don't understand why I can't sleep like any other person. I mean really. It isn't like I have anything to do. I have nothing to do. I still can't sleep. I don't like waking up this early, but I guess it is a good start to the day.

I did end up cutting myself again. It isn't that bad but I do feel somewhat better and less depressed. It allowed me to feel. I hate my body though. All the hatred I use to have I would always shoot it toward other people. Now I am doing it to myself. I don't know how much longer I am going to workout though. It is showing barely any results. I wish there were more. At least ten pounds could fall off. I have done more than enough in a month for ten pounds to come off. If it just would >_<

I haven't even smoked my cigarette this morning either. I have to find the motivation to walk out there. It is cold, due to the cold front that came in yesterday. I am enjoying the fall weather. It means that it is closer to my birthday, and to the fair. I can't wait for the fair this year. I have went the first day every year, except last year. I was in rehab and didn't get to go. :( It sucked like hell too, and I was pissed off. I am thinking about quitting smoking. (That is what I meant to have this paragraph about, but I got sidetracked.) I can't afford it with no job, and my family doesn't really have the money to buy mine all the time. So I am thinking after I finish this pack I am done. So I will see how that works out for me.

There really isn't anything else to write about right now so I am going to watch music videos and drink my coffee. I may even get some more sleep, which is well needed at this point. Update later. :)

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