Sunday, October 24, 2010

Princess Marathon = FAIL.

Bot for much longer though. I am going to take a shower and finish the Little Mermaid and watch the rest. If not the rest I at least want to watch as many as possible. I still feel awful. My depression is like a dark cloud hovering over me, following my every mood. I just feel like I want to cry for so many different reasons. My thighs look horrific the way I have sliced into them. Finally I had to give in and go to the other leg. I just want to feel better, and have no way of doing it. Nothing is helping. I have no idea where to turn or what to do.

Rock Bottom I guess is the right name for the way I feel. I have nothing. I have no friends anymore, no phone, no family, no boyfriend, nothing. I have a cat that loves me unconditionally, but that only helps so much and it is no where near enough to make up for the hatred I have toward myself. Then of course the Party Wagon. It just isn't legal, and I don't have a job so I can't even get it legal. I have nothing in my life other than my car and cat it seems like.

I don't feel welcome in my own home. I feel like this isn't home. I don't know what home is. I am terrified of commitment, and can't trust myself, let alone anyone else. My life is like I giant impulsive mistake. I am not meant to be happy. I don't think it is in the cards for me. Maybe after school and I get the chance to move I will have better luck. As long as I am here there is nothing life has to offer me. It is time for a shower, later </3

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